No Longer a FantasyAugust 20, 2012 Posted by in Blog
I’ve been making beasts with wings this past week. Lately, I feel like I can fly. I feel like I can do anything! What brought about this levitation in my attitude?
Friday was my last day at a day job that made me feel meek, worthless, and dead inside for over two years. Maybe that’s a little dramatic, but it did put me in therapy. At the beginning of this year, I didn’t want to make Nonesuch Dolls anymore. I didn’t want to do anything. The Sproutlings bloomed from this dark period out of pure desperation to convince myself I could still be creative. I thought doing something different would make me feel alive again. It helped a little, but I didn’t start making true progress until I began talking to a therapist. I soon discovered that the guilt and shame I felt wasn’t my fault. I was being bullied at work and felt trapped by the steady paycheck. Slowly, I crawled out of my depression and starting seeing options again. I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life at a dead end job. I could choose what I wanted my life to be.
I made a game plan and started saving my money with renewed purpose. I would stay at my day job until next spring and put in my resignation two weeks before my birthday. It would be my birthday present to myself. In the back of my mind, I wished I could leave before the busy season at my day job in the fall. The beginning of the holiday season would be the perfect time to kick off my self-employed artist endeavor. I filed the thought away as a pipe dream and tried to see the bright side of waiting. I started sewing again and felt at peace with my day job situation for the first time in months.
Well, I guess the saying rings true, “Be careful what you wish for.”
In July, I taught comics at a summer camp for three weeks. To do so, I took the evening shift at my day job with the promise that I would get my day shift back when it was over. Toward the end of the three weeks, my manager informed me that I was no longer eligible for the day shift and “offered” me the evening shift. It’s hard to explain why this was the final straw for me without going into a long winded back story about my complicated relationship with this manager. You will just have to trust me when I say I had no choice but to hand in my resignation a whole lot earlier than I intended.
Things didn’t really turn out the way I had hoped. My savings account isn’t as plump as I would like. But I am 100% sure I made the right decision and I’m absolutely elated to finally be working for myself. Today was my first official day as a self-employed artist and I will work hard to ensure that there will be many more to follow.
king of earth and air
powerful and dignified
the royal griffin
Equuleus the Pegasus
the divine winged horse
bears heroes into battle
a muse for poets